U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize