I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
