Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
