doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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