as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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