I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
