i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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