we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
