just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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