my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
