they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
