New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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