I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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