i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
