glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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