just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
