see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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