where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
