This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
