Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
