In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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