What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
