I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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