don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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