who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
