i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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