You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
