she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
