i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
