I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
