i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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