Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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