i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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