I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
