I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just gift wrapped bread.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
