how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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