Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
