My nipple is on Facebook.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
