my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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