Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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