omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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