The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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