hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
