maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
