haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
