you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
