For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
