i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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