New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
