i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
