it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
