i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
