Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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