Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
