I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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