even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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