At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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