I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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