i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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