mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
