Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
