Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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