either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
