You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
