The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
