You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
