Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
