so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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