there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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