The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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