I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
